Celebrating the Joy of Gay Sex

Earlier this year, Brian W. Fairbanks wrote an appreciation of the book, The Joy of Gay Sex, for the Gay and Lesbian Review.

Following are excerpts from Fairbank’s appreciation.

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Most people probably remember 1977 as the year of Star Wars, the Son of Sam slayings, and the death of Elvis, but for many gay men the year’s most notable event was the October publication of The Joy of Gay Sex, by Charles Silverstein and Edmund White. It was the first book from a mainstream publisher that dared to examine the “how” of homosexuality rather than the “why” approach of both psychologists and priests. The book’s explicit descriptions of gay sex practices, fully and beautifully illustrated, rendered it quite controversial: many bookstores in the U.S. kept it hidden under the counter, forcing customers to come out of the closet when asking for it by name.

Subtitled “An intimate guide for gay men to the pleasures of a gay lifestyle,” the book’s contents were forthrightly erotic, but for me the biggest turn-on was the blurb on the back cover proclaiming The Joy of Gay Sex to be “America’s best selling guide to gay lovemaking.” Yes, lovemaking! How often, even in gay circles, has sex between men been acknowledged with such a romantic and respectable word?

With its superb illustrations and positive approach to carnal matters, The Joy of Gay Sex was inspired by Alex Comfort’s 1972 best seller, The Joy of Sex, which celebrated heterosexual relations. But for some gay men, Silverstein and White’s book may have also served as an unofficial response to Dr. David Reuben’s phenomenally successful Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask). Published in 1969, the year of the Stonewall riots, Reuben’s book gave the general (heterosexual) public a sensational and one-sided account of homosexual behavior that reinforced the image of gay men as perverts. In Reuben’s world, gay men were still nelly queens forever looking for sex with strangers in parks and public toilets. The “fairies” that populated the best-selling fiction of Jacqueline Susann and other popular straight authors were equally soulless.

Many homosexual men did cruise for sex in tea rooms (some still do), but such behavior, which certainly has its equivalents in the straight world, is scarcely the defining feature of being gay. In contrast to this coldly impersonal image of gay life, Silverstein and White focused on the act of making love – tenderly, passionately, and joyously.

By the 1980’s, when the AIDS epidemic made homosexual acts more controversial than ever, Silverstein and White’s landmark volume went out of print. As one of the titles most often stolen from public libraries, even extant copies were hard to come by. In 1992, Silverstein, in collaboration with Felice Picano, updated the classic as The New Joy of Gay Sex, which included information on safer sex. And recently a “fully revised and expanded 3rd edition” has been published by HarperCollins under the original title.

. . . Provocative title aside, the new edition draws our attention to more than matters of sex. There are chapters on homophobia, loneliness, spirituality, friendship, politics, and even celibacy, an option for those seeking a “lack of pressure and stress in their life.” It’s a well-rounded, encyclopedic guide to gay life in general and undoubtedly a useful tool for gay men taking those first, tentative steps out of the closet.

Above all, The Joy of Gay Sex is an enjoyable, guilt-free journey through the wonderful world of gay love. Dr. Reuben stressed that homosexuals were limited in what they could do sexually, but the 1977 book set him straight on that. Other than the absence of entries under the letters Q, X, Y, and Z, both the original book and its recent incarnation provide a remarkably thorough examination of the variety of sexual experiences that two (or more) men can have together.

Brian W. Fairbanks
Gay and Lesbian Review
January-February 2008