Affirming Our Essential Goodness

The following is excerpted from Toby Johnson’s book, Gay Spirituality, and focuses on “gay mystical consciousness.”

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Gay identity gives witness to mystical ideals. The deliberate choice to live in the present, accepting death with no pretense of immortality through offspring, affirms that we live in the eternal moment. Saying yes to mortality practices detachment from ego. Transcending ego allows us to realize our oneness with greater consciousness, with life.

As we realize this, we see that only our ego will die. Life goes on. And so we overcome death to the extent we overcome attachment to [the ego]. To see that you are the universe is to see that you cannot die. To see that the universe mirrors you, and is you, is the essence of homosexual attraction.

In the old days, being gay was something people kept secret. For that reason, homosexuality provided a sense of specialness. It was like membership in a special club. That has changed. And that’s good. Though there is still something special about being gay, and there is still a certain amount of persecution that goes with specialness.

We do not need any more martyrs, though we shall likely get them. There are people who carry deep scars that cause them to hate us. They project their own self-hate and sexual confusion onto us. They blame us for all the problems of society. They blame the collapse of tradition values on us. They think that by persecuting us they are somehow dealing with child abuse and broken families. And they create a climate in which violence against homosexuals seems almost patriotic.

Crimes committed against homosexuals are crimes against citizens and cannot be tolerated. . . .

When people are jealous of you and resent what you’ve got, you know you’ve got a treasure. If not, they wouldn’t bother with you, would they?

Accepting things as they are necessarily includes accepting the opposition we face. It also includes striving to create a world in which such violence does not happen. Until then, we must not let the opposition stop us. We must not let ourselves be frightened out of the truth of who we are.

We understandably downplay our experience of being gay. We emphasize the suffering and social difficulties we face. . . . We [do this] to avoid retaliation from the straight people who do not want us proclaiming how lucky we are. We keep a low profile. We poor mouth. But we must tell ourselves the truth about our good luck. We must tell our brothers. This is the good news, the boom of our hero journey, that can save us and them.

We have to believe that being in the altered state of sexual consciousness is a good thing. Any other position is self-defeating. We can create our lives so that this is true. We can take care of ourselves. We can maintain our health and vitality, the glow in our complexion and the flexibility in our muscles. We can protect ourselves from disease. We can work on our moral and psychological well-being, letting go of neurotic behaviors and compulsions. We can cultivate good friendships. We can have positive and delightful sexplay with willing, enthusiastic partners. We can have deep, committed, long-term sexual partnerships. In all these we can affirm our essential goodness.

– Excerpted from Gay Spirituality: The Role of Gay Identity in the Transformation of Human Consciousness by Toby Johnson (Alyson Books, 2000, pp.264-265).